Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
