you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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