YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize