you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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