yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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