do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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