haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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