I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
