Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
