My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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