i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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