20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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