Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
