I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
