and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's just like the Real World with babies
either way he was missing a nipple.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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