haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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