I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
