I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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