Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
birth control should be required to get into college
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
