i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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