please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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