My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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