I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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