Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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