she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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