you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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