She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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