We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
