i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
