I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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