I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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