i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
