he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
