I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
