yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
