He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
