At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
