I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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