Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
