I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize