you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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