are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
