Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I want to have your abortion
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize