In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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