Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
