Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
