if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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