I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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