he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
