Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
