when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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