i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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