She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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