I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize