ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
