I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
