dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
