She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
