So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
