Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
