so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
